Jacob Struggles With God

In Genesis 32:22-32 there is a story of Jacob who wrestled with God. He took hold of God, instead of falling on the face before Him, and asked for the blessing. Jacob made many mistakes in his life before, taking the blessing of his older brother. Now he meets God... And what his impulse is... He wrestles. He does not recognize the person he is fighting with, and asks for His name. How bad can it get?
God is gracious to Jacob, and blesses him. But Jacob also gets a sign of the struggle; his hip has been touched. This is the day when God changes his name into Israel. It means "struggling with God". What a name to have...

My time in Paraguay is coming to an end. Yet every day I feel like I am fighting with something. I am tired of those struggles. I long to come back to anything that used to be familiar to me; to run away.
Yet deep in my heart I will not give up the fight, I will not just let it go, sit down and wait for the day when my plane leaves this land.
I will hold on to the truth I know, every moment I will make a choice to fully be here.

I feel like Jacob. Jacob, despite all the mistakes he had made, persevered. And God answered his pleads, and blessed him. Jacob saw God face to face and lived! What a blessing! What an assurance of the reality that today so many people despise. Reality that we cannot see, yet long to know.
The truth is not seen, yet must be believed in.
The truth for me is that this time in Paraguay made my faith stronger and my heart purer. I believe that I will leave from here a different person that I came over 7 months ago. By faith I accept the truth of my transformation into the person God created me to be. I long to see myself in the new light.

Painting by J.Lewandowski "Struggle of Jacob with God"