Textures 2

The Cow Portrait

Death. I guess I got accustomed to it in Paraguay. Even daily chores of our Brazilian cook, Kristina, involved killing chickens. I also saw a rotten body of a cow in the Chaco desert. Here it is natural, and no parent need to explain it to his kid.

Textures 1

Couple of weeks ago I began a project of Paraguayan textures. I am surprised by this discovery. I found it intriguing.

I am waiting...

... for you, Mpls City, and for hot coffee at Hard Times Cafe.

Searching for Solution

I have been reading Failing Forward by J.Maxwell, thinking a lot about my attempts to do art.

One of the artists I know, put on his website a retrospective of art projects he has been working on for the past three years. He worked on them in the same time, not one after another. As I thought of that, I saw the difference between his and my attempt. He always searches for new ideas and new solutions for his art projects.

As for me, I have an idea, want to do it, so I get materials for the project... and never use them... I have never begin to search for the solution...
Why? I have been asking myself this question for a long time. Now I know the answer.

I used to have fear of failure in my heart. That fear stopped me from searching, experimenting, making mistakes, learning and eventually becoming better.
I have questions. I have ideas. Today I am finally ready to search for answers; I am ready to look for new solutions...

I am ready to find out who I am. I am free to fail!

After all this time of struggle, I feel an incredible joy bursting out of my heart.
I truly feel free to fly!

This blog is actually a visual proof of the breakthrough I am experiencing... I have been waiting for it for so long!

Waiting

I am home sick... for Poland and Minneapolis. Yet I choose to still be here and to share with people all that I am.
I hope I changed here. I hope I will leave Paraguay with a renewed view of myself. If so, last 9 months was worth it all.
I am waiting for the time when the purpose of this time will be revealed to me; when I will look at my own reflection in the mirror and understand it all.

Early Morning

Monday, 8am. Loque, Paraguay. Tired, I sat down on the pavement. I am waiting for the bus on the corner of the street, looking at the passing cars and people.
The town is waking up, getting ready for the new week. People already carry groceries, in large amounts. Mostly rice, corn, flour, manioc, and little white buns called galietitas.

Amazing that even when I try to hide, there is always someone who would notice a blond head. I slowly got used to people watching my every move, with a surprise in their eyes when I do the same things they do. I also got used to being called Brazilian or German. It has not happened in my life yet that someone would just say, Hey you are Polish!....

This early morning I came to Loque to buy paints for my mural project.
Now I am sitting here, thinking that this is a view of life so many people today have in this world. Those, that I met in Sao Paulo, Brazil; homeless, and street people... So many sit on the pavement and look at those passing buy with hope in their eyes; like everyone in this world, they are searching for the Truth.

I am enjoying this morning, discovering that I am free to be ME, that I do not need to impress anyone, that I do not need to prove anything, and that I found the Truth.

In the Light

Every day I have been searching for the presence of God. I have found Him in the beauty of simple life, in the Light that wakes me up every morning. It is good to open my eyes, walk outside, and see God... He is here. With me.

Jacob Struggles With God

In Genesis 32:22-32 there is a story of Jacob who wrestled with God. He took hold of God, instead of falling on the face before Him, and asked for the blessing. Jacob made many mistakes in his life before, taking the blessing of his older brother. Now he meets God... And what his impulse is... He wrestles. He does not recognize the person he is fighting with, and asks for His name. How bad can it get?
God is gracious to Jacob, and blesses him. But Jacob also gets a sign of the struggle; his hip has been touched. This is the day when God changes his name into Israel. It means "struggling with God". What a name to have...

My time in Paraguay is coming to an end. Yet every day I feel like I am fighting with something. I am tired of those struggles. I long to come back to anything that used to be familiar to me; to run away.
Yet deep in my heart I will not give up the fight, I will not just let it go, sit down and wait for the day when my plane leaves this land.
I will hold on to the truth I know, every moment I will make a choice to fully be here.

I feel like Jacob. Jacob, despite all the mistakes he had made, persevered. And God answered his pleads, and blessed him. Jacob saw God face to face and lived! What a blessing! What an assurance of the reality that today so many people despise. Reality that we cannot see, yet long to know.
The truth is not seen, yet must be believed in.
The truth for me is that this time in Paraguay made my faith stronger and my heart purer. I believe that I will leave from here a different person that I came over 7 months ago. By faith I accept the truth of my transformation into the person God created me to be. I long to see myself in the new light.

Painting by J.Lewandowski "Struggle of Jacob with God"

Little Pieces of Poland

Being far away from home, causes my heart to long for what I miss the most.
Here is the art by J.Lewandowski, who's paintings are inspired by views of Polish land. The romantic and melancholic atmosphere is what I love in his art.